run run far away

That feeling is here again. Some of you who know me well understand without me having to say any more words. But my heart feels the need to off load the overwhelming grey that has creeped in and takes my breath away, so for the candid reader to this site I will write on. Usually I battle this more in the summer. On those bright beautiful days when the mountains are clear and calling my name. When the water sparkles, the sun is warm and my mind wanders to other places and times. That it is here in the midst of the dark days of winter surprises me a little. My battle is knowing what God wants for me and from me. I am living an unbelievably real life. I am an adult. I have bills. I can't afford to travel because of those bills-all of which represent the blessings poured on me. (there are many, for God has truely blessed me in many ways.) And my response-to desire a totally different life. Some days I want a husband and a family so badly it hurts. Other days I would not change a thing. Some days I think the answer lies in a far away place, and to recover the answer is to only go and seek. Why can I not seem to just live each moment and enjoy it for what it is? To take action or not, to change or remain the same, to give it all up or remain the same. It is exhausting just thinking about it. And even with all of that thought, I still don't have the answer.